Being able to talk freely with your farm team and feel they understand what you are needing is a huge gift! Accept you can’t make other people change, but you can change how you respond and handle things.
Talking is the work.
Decide today that you are going to become more self-aware and self-controlled around the way you communicate to your farm team. I strongly believe effective communication is the foundation of successful farms. Talking and listening well is the ultimate risk management tool.
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Mastering communication is a work in perpetual progress
While it can get lost in the day-to-day, communication between farm family members can come with high stakes. Errors in family relations could be just as costly as running a sprayer boom into a power pole.
Your communication toolbox
Accept that solving problems is up to you. Take responsibility for level of skill in sharing your ideas, thoughts and feelings in the culture of your farm workplace. Take charge and act. You’ll get nowhere if you expect the communication problems to fix themselves. Begin with the end in mind: what do you truly want to accomplish in your conversation?
Know your communication style. You might be action-oriented, very direct and brief. You might like to think things through and process the ideas before giving a quick answer. People and relationships may be your focus of discussion before you attack the problem-solving agenda if your style is more relationship based. Then again, you might be a “dreamer” idea style who likes to innovate with discussion about the big picture of your farm, and you need time for folks to listen to your tangents, without judgment. Email us with “communication styles” in the subject line for a free 20-minute assessment.
Accept that different is not wrong, it is just different. Ask for what you need to have better understanding and talk it out: “I need you to look me in the eye when we are talking, so that I am sure that you get my message.” Observe the eyes, which are called “the window of the soul.” The mouth, eyebrows and forehead are especially revealing of emotional state.
Curtail cell phone interruptions. “I need 15 minutes of uninterrupted time to get this settled, so please put your cell phone away!”
Have a cell phone basket at the door for everyone to drop their phones and come to the table for a “real time” conversation with no interruption.
Be open to learning what the other person’s communication style is, so you can make room for their style. If verbose talkers are driving you crazy, ask for a timeline for the conversation and put some boundaries around it: “We have 15 minutes for this item, and then we need to make a decision.”
Some folks use pennies, where they have three pennies on the table and submit one each time they talk. When the pennies have been spent, they are to listen! I use a talking stick, like a soft toy, which is passed around to be held by the speaker. When that person is finished sharing their thoughts, the talking stick is passed to the next speaker. Talking sticks stop interruptive behaviour.
Be aware of your communication hot buttons. I have trouble with the “strong silent types” who say “I don’t know “when I ask them a question. Farm coaches are wired to ask tough questions which can cause discomfort, but the outcome of knowing what everyone is thinking, feeling, and wanting is a huge benefit to courageous conversations.
Think about what makes you defensive or angry when you are communicating with your farm team. You have the power to change your response. A good response might be, “What would you like me to do differently?” Just practice that one line for the next week and see what happens. Folks may be shocked at first that you are willing to change. This is not a manipulation game. This is creating new habits that help you reach better understanding.
How do you know when you are getting better at talking through problems?
Ask: “If this problem didn’t exist or was solved, what would I/we be doing or saying to each other?”
Have a vision of what you want your farm workplace culture to look like and decide what steps you can do to make it happen:
- Instead of offering your opinion, invite questions that encourage the other person to explain the reasons behind their position.
- If you don’t understand, admit it, stay calm, and ask for further explanation: “Tell me more…”
- Acknowledge the other’s position without agreeing with it, by saying “That’s an interesting perspective.”
- Let the other person explain their “why” without interrupting.
- Ask “What if?” Use powerful questions about future considerations or contingency.
What needs to shift for better communication at your farm?
It might take a set of fresh eyes and ears in the form of a facilitator to shine a light on the trouble spots that need a better tool for better talking and listening.
Start by simply speaking kindly with grace to each other. Treat your farm team as well as you behave with your closest friends. Share meals together, and make decisions on a well-fed stomach, not an empty one while you are “on the run.”
Small steps make a dramatic difference:
- Speak in a calm and respectful tone. Look each other in the eye.
- Ask permission if now is a good time to talk — or when would work better?
- Paraphrase what you heard the other person say to check that you got the correct intention of the message. (Texting doesn’t have this dimension of tone of voice, which is why texting causes lots of communication breakdown and conflict.)
- Make requests. Request that those items which are hot issues be dealt with in a formalized meeting session, at a certain date and time, so folks can process their responses and do research on the issue before the meeting.
- Ask better questions. What would you like me to do differently to communicate better? What assumptions am I making? What am I responsible for? What can I learn from this situation?
