Thirty years ago this week I published my first column with Grainews. It has been an honour to hear stories from readers on the steps they have taken to better their lives.
Olga, a new widow at 80, was cleaning her underwear drawer, which she had lined with my column. In her grief she picked up the phone to call me and was surprised I answered. We had a lovely visit and a great connection to talk about her next steps.
Lois from Edmonton would send handwritten three-page letters to comment on her experiences of staying on the farm for a whole year in Saskatchewan when she was a young single woman. She lamented how things in agriculture were changing but also had new ideas for the next column.
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The Frasers took my encouragement to use a matchmaker to heart, to find a suitable farm partner in marriage — and they invited me to their wedding.
Gerrardo Reimer, an ambitious young dairy farmer in Mexico, was reading my column and encouraged his wife Crisol Gonzalez to connect with me to explore coaching. They drove in their VW wagon for two days to visit us in person at the farm. Crisol is now one of our coaching team.
Michael ran up to me at the Convergence conference in Regina in February, wanting to express his deep appreciation for the many years of practical tools. This heartfelt connection makes my heart sing, every time I meet a Grainews reader in person.
Young farmers are now the managers, and their moms are still clipping my column for them to consider, even though they can now read everything from Grainews.ca online.
Letting go of this communication channel is a transition for me, as I now have successors: five next-generation coaches who are willing to put thoughts online and continue to do great coaching facilitation which is conflict-aware at www.farmfamilycoach.com.
I am activating what Shine’s author Gino Wickman calls the 10-year plan.
I book Fridays for family time and transition time to support what is going on at our farm.
In 10 years my first granddaughter will be graduating and her sister will be driving. Their brother will be 14 and hopefully sharing the combine seat with his grandfather, my husband Wes. March 18 is my husband Wes’s 68th birthday, so letting go of deadlines is my gift to him.
Wes has graciously supported my travel to speak across North America — which equates to peanut butter sandwiches, and suppers alone. Grainews has helped feed content into my five books, and our new membership site where group coaching has scaled our ability as coaches to make a wider impact with farm families.
When you let go of things you need something to move toward. I will hold on to the great relationship with my editor Dave Bedard who is kind, accommodating and very funny in his emails. We have worked together twice over the past three decades and I am grateful for his faith in the next generation to do good work.
I am moving toward the work with my podcast at www.farmfamilyharmony.com which I can do from my farm office, virtual membership coaching three times a month, and speaking at farm conferences where I can do coach on call in the hall after I present. I also enjoy teaching Sunday School and wee church with my grandchildren who are changing quickly and will be launching in the next 14 years which will go by quickly. Celebrating connection to community is important to me, especially in this season when friends are passing on.
For long-time readers who appreciate I am a woman of faith, I leave this encouragement to put your plans in place now, with great advisors, and family communication facilitation.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. — Proverbs 13:12.
Young farmers Google succession planning and then call me. They are struggling with low compensation, widowed parents who are not business decision-makers, and fragmented family dynamics which are keeping the farm transition stuck. They text me, call me and show up on membership calls to ask for the steps to get folks to the table to ACT. When hope is present, folks can continue. When hope is deferred, mental wellness suffers, and suicide ideation rears its ugly head. Thanks to the Do More Ag Foundation and the National Farmers Mental Health Alliance for their mission to provide solutions for better mental health for all farmers.
The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. — Proverbs 16:9.
Many of you reading this have no plan, some have the wrong plan, and some are underplanned. Whatever judgement you have for your current lack of action, the only person who can change your circumstance is you. You get to choose to act.
Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counsellors, there is victory. — Proverbs 11:14.
It is wise to have many advisors. After 40-plus years of working with farm families I know a lot of good people who do good work. Reach out to your successful neighbours and hire great advisors who are aligned with your values and those of the next generation.
You do not have because you do not ask. — James 4:2.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Betterhelp.com will get you a therapist on zoom. I am glad to see more men and women in agriculture declaring, publicly, counsellors and therapists are helping them navigate their journey in ag.
You will reap what you sow. — Matthew 13/Galatians 6:7.
Sow harmony in your farm family and be careful to work in alignment with your cherished beliefs and values. Behave well with one another with kindness and compassion. Make decisions collaboratively with the common interest of having everyone’s needs met and considered.
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. — Philippians 2:4.
As an aging farmer who may be fearful of transition, you don’t need to make plans on your own. You can trust the good intentions of your next generation and become a mentor to create an amazing legacy of sound management and wealth transfer through progressive ownership.
Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another because love covers a multitude of sins. — 1 Peter 4:8.
Your marriage and family relationships take time and attention. When I die, I want to be rich in relationship toward God, and rich in relationship with people. I look forward to more time currency for connection in my small town — especially young women who are mothering, working off-farm, and building new opportunities for their precious families.
Your handwritten letters and cards are a precious gift of affirmation to me at Box 957, Boissevain, Manitoba, R0K 0E0. My love language, not surprisingly as a writer, is words of affirmation.
Blessings on your journey.
