Stephen Covey authored the great book The Speed of Trust. Imagine how much better life would be on your farm if trust was not an issue. When a farm founder trusts the next generation it’s a beautiful thing to behold. The spirit of generosity is fully empowered to help each generation find success in their roles. When people trust each other you save heaps of time because you don’t blame, shame or feel nervous about your choices to act. You have a culture where everyone believes the other team members are working as their best selves. Communication and behaviour is respectful, safe and open. Decisions get made efficiently, with the speed of good trust.
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Grandma, stop hurting your family’s farm transition
The situation: A mom is not willing to consider that her dead husband’s wishes — which she wants to honour – may not be the best direction for the farm or the family in the current situation of 2025.
How would you rate the trust level on your farm team? Have you ever stopped to think about what you could do to improve the degree of trust between the generations? Do you even think there is hope for trust to improve with some care and attention to it?
A recent highly emotionally charged meeting is fuelling this column. The founder was agitated as I drilled him with questions about what he was truly afraid of in doing the transition plan. He grabbed my marker and asked to write on the large white blank sheet of my beloved flipchart. I was thrilled to say “yes!” We witnessed a breakthrough in communication at that very moment. Circles of wealth and depleted savings were drawn on the parent’s side of the sheet. Circles of structure and question marks were drawn on the successor’s side of the sheet. Very clearly, the lack of trust was related to the lack of financial transparency between the generations as well as the perceived loss of parental wealth and transfer of farm assets to other real estate.
Over 25 years ago, accountability expert David Irvine created 5 Important Questions about Trust (for Adult Children to Fill Out). I think these are worthy questions for both founders and successors.
- How much do I feel trusted to take over this operation? I would add here the range of 1 to 10 to give this level a concrete number. One is not at all, and 10 is very much so. Giving the feeling a number helps the other party understand if they both give it an 8 or if the other is at a 2, then you have a real gap in understanding each other’s perception of the trust feeling.
- What fears do I have of taking over control? Believe it or not, many young farmers are afraid of not doing enough to please their parents. They also fear failure in servicing debt. They are not sure that their family life is going to survive the workaholic tendencies of the older generations, so they are worried about how much time they can give farm labour compared to their elders.
- How much do I want to take over the operation? Is there goodwill here? Yes the next generation is passionate about farming and being in a profitable business. If there are unreasonable salaries or compensations rates, maybe this is not a good idea. Will the older generation be helpful with a generous spirit or expect to be paid top dollar for every nut and bolt?
- What do I want from my parents that will strengthen the level of trust in this family? I suspect the young farm couple wants security. That comes with well-written agreements, decent cash flow, and timelines that are reasonable. They are tired of emotional outbursts or promises that are not fulfilled. They also want to know that the business will be kept intact and not sliced up like a pie to meet the expectations of the non-farm heirs.
- How much can I talk openly about the answers to the above questions to family members involved in the business? We worked on this openly in our facilitated meeting, yet there is much personal work to do. Covey believes that trust can be rebuilt and so do I. It takes lots of action, being true to what you say and do. For the families I work with it also helps to do a conflict dynamic profile to figure out which positive conflict behaviours like perspective taking, creating solutions, and sharing emotions can be intentionally strengthened. This assessment is done online for $55 per person. (Ask for CDP at [email protected].)
Twenty-five years ago on March 15, 1995 I began this column when former columnist Marie Salway (Butter Side Up) asked me to take her place. She had written for Grainews for 17 years, and I thought I had very big shoes to fill.
I want to thank you as readers for your trust in me to tell hard truths about the journey of farm families, in their family circle of life, their farm business, and in the discussions of transfer of ownership and wealth, the farm transition story.
In less than 24 months I am letting go of my coaching practice as I transition my expertise to BDO, a Canada-wide accounting, tax, and advisory firm. I will continue to share stories as a professional speaker, hopefully for another decade. I will keep writing columns in Grainews as long as readers want them!
When you experience deep trust, it frees you up to do amazing things without second-guessing yourself or your relationships.
Thank you for an amazing adventure of stories over the past 25 years in this paper.
I look forward to hearing how Seeds of Encouragement has impacted your story.
