Here are Patricia’s insights into three states:

Charged: Uncontrolled and disconnected. Your body and nervous system are stimulated to deal with real or perceived danger. This is where you might be triggered or pulled into “survival mode.” Morgan has simple descriptors for feelings (reactive, scared, stressed et cetera) and thoughts, telling a story of unsafe people in an unsafe world. Folks in this state argue, speak loudly, act rough, name-call and worry, with increased heartbeats.

Give up: Depleted and disconnected. When in this state, folks experience loneliness, possible suicide ideation, hopelessness, doubt and hurt. Their story of despair leads to isolation, avoidance, sleep changes and more. Morgan says this is the most concerning state.

Centred: Emotionally safe and connected. Here people feel aligned, capable, compassionate, peaceful and safe. This is the space of possibilities with clarity, curiosity, and thoughts of being worthy and able to solve problems. When in this state, people can regulate themselves and trust themselves and others.

When we bring folks to the table to create a vision for the family and a vision for the farm business, it’s most ideal to have team members who are in a Centred state, being resilient and resourceful. If you are longing to get some clarity of expectations in your farm family, you are wise to get to an emotionally healthy place first and repair the angst and distress of the Charged state or the Give up state. When folks have mental wellness challenges, they don’t think rationally and therefore won’t make rational or good decisions.

I imagine you are reading this while in the centred state. You can see other family members having a hard time letting go of their identity as farm managers as well as letting go of management tasks and some of your farm assets. Morgan advises you to leave the overwhelming Charged state and the stuckness of the Give up state to work toward letting go of chronic distress.

Help to return to centre

Who is in your emotional support group? Who has the capacity to learn the skills of experiencing a wide range of emotions without becoming triggered? Who can help you stay calm in the storm of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours? Who exhibits calm during the “pain of not knowing outcomes” when you are trying to get more certainty in your transition? If no one in your family or circle has the skill to return to centre, maybe you need to see a therapist.

Morgan is a clinical counsellor who believes in practical tools, such as the SODA method shown here. You can use it when you are in public places like the auction mart or the accountant’s office after you learn some concerning information.

The SODA method

• Stop whatever you’re doing or thinking.
• Observe. Notice your breathing muscles, and nerve endings.
• Detach from your thoughts. Focus on your breath.
• Affirm you are OK. Tell yourself, “I am safe.”

I remember the shock of a highly conflicted brother when he witnessed his business partner (his brother) having a full-blown panic attack during a family meeting. He thought his brother was having a heart attack. He did not realize how highly charged his sibling was due to years of stress and unresolved tensions in the business. You might be thinking, at this moment, of a never-discussed or never-resolved “harvest blowup.”

As farmers we need to manage our emotional states. Connecting with nature is what we do when we are in the fields or in the pastures, but do we really observe and pay attention to ways to feel more grounded?

You may have seen the stickers with square bale pictures to encourage us to breathe around the perimeter of the bale with “box breathing.” Here is how that works:

• Inhale for four counts.
• Hold your breath for four counts.
• Exhale for four counts.
• Wait for four counts.
• Repeat.

Morgan, meanwhile, suggests taking a cold shower or splashing icy water on your face to cool down.

Research indicates icy water may have a positive effect on recovery after exercise, reducing inflammation and soreness. As per the Mayo Clinic Health System, it also may help build resiliency, restore balance to the nervous system and improve cognitive function and mood. I’ve been hearing many next-generation farmers on podcasts talking about their daily cold plunge routine. Well, it’s cooling down outside now so maybe a walk down the lane will also work.

Music is a powerful tool to activate the nervous system and move energy. Sing along with the Christmas carols on Spotify or get involved with your local carollers this season. Start making a great playlist that is unique to you. I play Pharell Williams’ “Happy” on my way home from a speaking event. I also am asking the next generation to share their playlists with me so I can appreciate what gives them energy.

This season of family gatherings can also make those in the Give up state feel alone. Morgan invites you to connect with emotionally safe people, make eye contact and speak to them about anything. Eyes are the window to the soul, so eye contact is important for helping people feel seen and heard.

Use your phone to reach out by text or email to someone who you feel safe with. Simon Sinek uses the code phrase “Have you got eight minutes?” when he texts friends for support. The code phrase tells the receiver of the message to pick up now! Eight minutes of conversation may be your best tool to help you return to centre.

Another helpful hint is to ask, “Are you hungry or thirsty?” Young children’s behaviour changes when they need to eat and drink, and the same is true for Grandpa. Morgan recommends chewing gum or eating something. She says the idea is to bring your body out of the numbness of the Give up state.

Morgan also encourages us to put routines in place that support connection and engagement, such as nature, animals and particularly other people.

Lastly, comparison is a joy stealer. Don’t let December’s expectations of gifts, gatherings and cookie exchanges get you down. Look at the strategies that work for you to get you back to centre. Buy Patricia Morgan’s book for your family Christmas list and The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

The post Find paths out of distress, depression, disconnection appeared first on Grainews.

I have always considered my empathy as a gift to share and a driver to be an encourager. The lessons of The Great Pause have taught us a deep longing for connection. We seek richness in our relationships and a desire to be understood. Mental wellness is a key goal for everyone who has chosen to farm and manage off-farm jobs while raising children and caring for aging parents.

My LinkedIn friend said, “Many women who move to remote farms in their husband’s family lose many of the options their urban friends still have.” Yes, but I would add that comparing your life to others, especially on Instagram, is a joy stealer. When you are planted in a remote rural area, or are far away from city friends, you must be very intentional about creating a new life that aligns with your values and goals. Hopefully, you had some fruitful direct conversations about these core beliefs with your spouse or partner before you said yes to moving onto the farm.

My LinkedIn friend also told me she would write a book about “moving into someone’s past. How many young women understand the concept of moving into someone else’s past?”

This is an interesting thought. I live in the childhood home of my husband, Wes, which was built in 1960 when his parents sold two quarters of land to secure $12,000 to build the house. In 2020, we thought we were moving to town, but plans changed when our son decided to buy a new home just across the shelterbelt from us.

Housing is a great example of navigating the stories, emotions and memories attached to the main farmyard. Wes and I did not own our home for the first 11 years of our marriage, and when we finally got title, the renovations began.

So, how to find what works best for navigating lonely, epic life changes? For me it was finding a robust church community of folks who walk alongside us in the good times and in bad. It is also part of my routine to pick up my phone and reach out to college friends who live across Canada. They sometimes visit the farm, but regardless I stay connected to folks who can fill my emotional bank account, marvel at the adventures of farm life, and ask if I need prayer.

Here’s some constructive advice for young women with lonely hearts:

1. Know what fills your emotional bank account. Relationships are one of my top seven values. I work on connecting, and even when the relationship feels a bit one-sided, I get to choose if I want to continue to reach out. What does “self-care” mean to you?

2. Find mentors close to the farm. For me, it was Frances McCausland Stobbe Sawatsky, a nurse who farmed and had married into the Mennonite culture. She is an Englander, just like me, and she became like an adopted mom to me very early on in my marriage, as my mom was more than three hours away. Frances is 90 now and lives 20 miles away, and we still have phone visits.

3. Cherish your marriage. The Alpha marriage course was a great resource for myself and Wes. Another helpful resource is Only You Forever, which offers Zoom counselling for people across the Prairies. My friends Dan and Carol Ohler run retreats for farm couples in Sangudo, Alta., and they also have a great podcast about relationship design. You can find them at danandcarol.com.

4. Journal. Write your thoughts in a private journal to process what is happening in your life. Take time to reflect and list reasons to be grateful. Avoid hanging out in Facebook groups for farm wives, where I believe you’ll find lots of angry discussions about spouses not paying attention to needs, but little in the way of solutions. As author Brené Brown would say, “What is the story you are telling yourself?” Are you feeling trapped, misunderstood, taken for granted? What is your role in change? What questions are you asking others? What choices do you have to create a fuller, more intentional life?

5. Consider therapy or coaching. If you are in trauma or suffering a mental illness episode, you need to reach out for professional help and treatment. The National Farmer Mental Health Alliance (NFMHA) has developed an ag-informed course to help therapists understand the realities of farm life. Visit its website to check out NFMHA resources. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness — it is a strategy of wisdom. Folks will not know how you are struggling with your new life in a remote rural area if you keep silent. Depression can rise from hard circumstances, so don’t suffer along. Reach out!

6. Be patient and manage your expectations. Your spouse and his family cannot meet all of your needs. What can you do to “fill your well?” Understand it takes time and intention to build a sense of connection and community. When we were raising young children, a group of us young moms made a point to get together regularly for play times at the lake. I also had a friend who left her son with me on Tuesdays, and I left my son with her on Thursdays. These blocks of bartered time gave each of us “adult time” to renew and refresh the many roles we manage daily on the farm.

7. Farm families are comfy with their history. As an import into the family, you are the new kid on the block so to speak and are joining an existing dynamic, which may be a lot different from that of your own family of origin. There are many unwritten rules in farm families, which you can unpack with powerful questions. Ask, “I am just curious, why is it so important to you to ___________?” Fill in the blank. Come from curiosity, not judgement. Different is not wrong, it is just different. Your in-laws may not see the importance of being welcoming and inclusive. If you’d like more tips, check out my book Farming’s In-Law Factor.

8. Contribute to your community. Volunteer at church or at your local ice rink. Shine your light and share your gifts in serving others. The folks you serve will have stories to share with you. My LinkedIn friend says, “You can never go wrong with contributing to your community. It may not be anything huge, but just shine your little light where you can. By contributing, you’ll make new connections and feel great at the end of the day!”

The post Froese: Help for lonely hearts appeared first on Grainews.

The main symbol of the Depression-era mentality was the two enormous chest freezers in my grandparents’ basement. This was in addition to the canned fruits and root vegetables that were stored in the basement. These stocks were for essentially three people. One of the lessons from the Depression was that food supplies for at least one year were required — just in case something bad was going to happen. The world may have been moving to a just-in-time food-distribution model, but it was not a theme in my grandparents’ house.

Food security is coming to the fore in this COVID-19 world and there are signs that supply chains are beginning to buckle under the strain. Meat supplies will be strained if plant closures due to COVID-19 continue to occur. One of the largest clusters of COVID-19 cases in the U.S. is now located in South Dakota, at the Smithfield Foods pork plant in Sioux Falls. Argentina and Brazil are experiencing delays in loading grain vessels due to COVID-19 and China is having trouble unloading boats that arrive. Russia, Romania, Ukraine and Kazakhstan all have issued some form of grain or flour export restrictions as those countries monitor progress of their 2020 crops.

Stocks of grains globally are more than adequate to buffer these supply chain interruptions. At least, that is what the markets currently believe. The only problem is that although stocks are at near record levels, most of the surplus grain in the world is now in China. The three major grain staples — wheat, corn and rice — are projected to hit 777.5 million tonnes by the end of the respective crop years. Of those stocks, 60 per cent will be located in China. Ten years ago, 35 per cent of the global stocks were located in China. Since China does not normally export significant amounts of grain, these stocks are not available to the market.

The rest of the world (ROW, in the graph shown above) has maintained relatively constant stocks of the three major grains as China has been increasing its stocks. Only 310 million tonnes of major grain stocks are located in the ROW countries. This is up by only 15 per cent from 2010-11 levels.

Do these relatively low level of stocks matter? The answer is that the low stocks levels will not matter until we encounter a problem in the major exporting countries. If a problem does occur, there is only one country with the equivalent of my grandmother’s freezers, and that is China. Markets, in my opinion, continue to be lulled by the overall stocks levels and are not pricing in the current risks to the global supply chain.

— Bruce Burnett is director of weather and markets information for MarketsFarm, a premium subscription service owned by Glacier FarmMedia.

The post Burnett on Markets: Global grain stocks offer false sense of food security appeared first on Grainews.

The point of this column is, boy, if you have some degree of stress, frustrations, anger, depression, fears — and the list could go on — talk to someone. The listener doesn’t necessarily have to be a psychologist or a counselor, although I have spent my share of time talking to them, but talk to a friend or someone you feel comfortable with and tell them what’s going on. Yes, step into the big scary unfamiliar zone of human relationships — allow yourself to be honest and vulnerable.

I had coffee with a friend last night, for example, and at some point after we got done fixing the government, I told him about an absolute meltdown I had a few nights before. I was angry and frustrated about a situation, so I was storming around at 3 a.m., couldn’t sleep. The stress and anxiety really didn’t go away until about 9 a.m. — until I got some answers and learned the problem really wasn’t a problem. I’d gone ballistic, lost most of a night’s sleep for nothing.

My friend listened intently and then laughed his head off (nice guy).

But the reality is he wasn’t laughing at me, he was laughing because he can go through the same nonsense in his life. Maybe not exactly the same, but he could relate.

And that’s my point. You think you are the only one who gets stressed, anxious, fearful, depressed, wallowing in self pity — well, honestly talk to that rock of a neighbour next door, who always has their life totally together, and I bet you’ll discover they go through exactly the same thing. They are as crazy as you are.

To be honest I don’t think I have met too many people who aren’t crazy. Everyone has that solid outward exterior showing they have all their reasonable, sane thinking in one nice neat little pile, and the fact is on the inside they are as a fragile and insecure as a 12-year-old school kid who was the last one to get picked for the ball team.

And there are some much more serious, and deeper mental health issues like full-blown depression. I know from experience that a pep talk and hug doesn’t fix that.

But I am talking more about the day-to-day crazy, insane thinking that can go on in my head. My life is good in really all aspects and yet my head can get working on problems — usually problems that don’t even exist — and if I don’t watch it, it can really snowball.

It wasn’t long ago I needed a simple tail light repaired on my truck. But on the drive to the garage I got thinking. “I bet the shop is going to be busy, there’ll be a big line-up at the service counter, and then they’ll want me to leave it for the day — well I don’t have time to wait.” That made me angry. A second later I also got thinking “it’s funny this tail light burned out, this is a used truck, maybe there’s some problem with the wiring. Not only am I going to have to wait, but then they’re going to tell me the whole wiring system on the truck is shot and that’s going to cost me $5,000 and I don’t have $,5,000.” I was gripping the steering wheel, and dealing with anger and anxiety. Over something that hadn’t even happened. Fortunately I started telling myself, “Lee, get a grip. None of this is true.” And the story ended, I got to the garage, I was the only one in line, my truck was ready in about 20 minutes, and it cost $30.

There are degrees of everything, but we all have something — control issues, lack of confidence, self esteem and self worth issues, catastrophizing — just like a Caramilk, solid on the outside and a runny mess on the inside. Find a friend and talk. If you want to compare nut-job stories my phone is on 24/7.

The post Next time you’re crazy, talk to someone appeared first on Grainews.

There are lots of negative stressors on the farm, including ongoing situations like debt loads or adverse weather. Other day-to-day stressors include long work hours, livestock problems and unexpected interruptions. There’s also good stress!

Good stress is still stress. Weddings, promotions, harvesting a great crop are usually considered to be positive life changes. However, they still count as stress regardless of how excited we may be about them.

Recognizing the symptoms of stress can be difficult. Stress can affect your physical and emotional wellbeing and it can even affect your behaviour.

Physical: headaches, stomach problems, chest pain, fatigue, rapidly beating heart, grinding or clenching teeth.

Emotional: increased angry blow-ups, frustration, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts.

Behavioral: overeating, increased drug/alcohol consumption or smoking, changes in sleep, forgetfulness, short-temper.

Understanding what stress is and how it manifests is the first step. Stress management is different for everyone, it’s important to discover what stress management strategies work for you.

Stress strategies

Talk about it: Talking to a trusted friend, counsellor or other professional can help you alleviate some of your stress and even help you develop a strategy to deal with the stressors you are facing. Asking and seeking help is not a sign of weakness — it shows strength!

Get good quality sleep: Sleep is incredibly important to your well-being, both mentally and physically. The link between good quality sleep and health is well documented.

Here are some things you can do to get better sleep:

• A sleep routine will help make the most of the time you have available to sleep.
• Make your breaks a priority even when you are in the field.
• Try the 20-minute power nap even if you have to do it outside.
• Switch tasks whenever possible. For example, switch from combining to trucking.
• Stop to eat regularly and drink plenty of water.

Get active and eat well: Physical activity and nutritious food are just like regular maintenance and fuel for your farm machinery. Eating well and eating regularly helps to fuel your body throughout a busy day. Drinking water and staying hydrated is also important. Canada’s Food Guide has excellent information about eating well and making healthy food choices. Along with nutrition, exercise is essential in keeping your body well and your mind healthy. Note: Talk with your doctor before you start becoming much more physically active.

Make a plan: Long-lasting problems that don’t resolve can lead to long-term stress. Sometimes, making a plan is the best way to tackle these problems. If it’s debt-related, seeking financial advice and making a plan could be an option. If it’s health-related, talk to your doctor. Seek a second opinion. If it’s relationship-related, talk to a qualified professional to help you resolve the issues. And sometimes, it may be that some things are out of your control.

Some other ideas to alleviate day-to-day stress include:

• Practice a hobby.
• Do some form of physical activity every day.
• Say “no” sometimes.
• Make time to sleep.
• Manage your time well.
• Prioritize (tackle one job at a time).
• Communicate your needs and listen to others.
• Spend quality time with friends and family.
• Listen to music.
• Write it down.
• Accept that some things are out of your control.
• Practice Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, deep muscle relaxation, and others.

Some of these stress-management strategies are easier said than done. However, if you don’t look after yourself, you can’t look after the farm or your family. Self-care is essential to the health of yourself, your family and your farm.

The Canadian Agricultural Safety Association would like to thank Manitoba Farm, Rural & Northern Support Services. This resource was adapted in part from “Sleepless in Manitoba.” For more information visit ruralsupport.ca.

The post Mental health on the farm: understanding stress appeared first on Grainews.

“Overall, our findings reveal that it physically hurts to be economically insecure,” Dr. Eileen Chou said in a press release.

Chou, a University of Virginia professor, led a team looking at links between economic insecurity and physical pain. The research, recently published in Psychological Science, found personal unemployment and state-level insecurity were linked to more over-the-counter painkiller use, as well as people’s own reports of pain.

Researchers also tested this link in the lab. They asked people to plunk their hands into a bucket of ice water, while thinking about either a stable or uncertain job market. Those who were thinking about entering a stable job market tolerated the icy water longer than those thinking about economic instability.

Chou and her colleagues concluded that how much a person feels in control of her life helps explain that discrepancy in pain tolerance. That feeling of control has implications beyond bank account sums, too.

It gives a whole new meaning to comments about the oil patch hurting.

As soon as I read about this research, I couldn’t help wondering how much this might affect the farming community. I dug up a 1993 Senate Committee interim report on farm stress.

The report stated that, “most witnesses saw unstable and adverse economic conditions as the most significant (source) in relation to farmers’ health and safety.” The report noted physical signs of stress such as headaches, fatigue and backaches. Stressed farmers were also more likely to suffer from mental health issues such as increased alcohol use, sleep disturbances, and more arguments with family and friends.

In 1993, farmers had suffered several years of adverse markets, high input costs, and a generally unstable market situation. Right now, farm debt levels are high, but farmers had a few good years of crop prices. We’re always hearing that today’s farmer is more business-savvy than ever before, so perhaps most people can manage those debt levels.

Yet no one can control the weather, or the markets for that matter. A person can manage those risks a dozen different ways, but no one can eliminate them.

Given all that, I wonder if Tylenol sales jump in small towns when canola prices drop.

There’s a culture of stoicism in agriculture, which makes sense. You can’t call in sick when you have to feed cows or harvest grain, after all. But rural residents face the same mental health challenges as city dwellers. Living on a farm isn’t going to protect you from depression, anxiety, or anything else.

And, as much as I dislike some of Sinclair Ross’ writing, I have to admit he was right about one thing: Rural living can mean more physical isolation. For those of us who grew tired of hearing neighbours’ argue in our apartment building, this is not all bad. But it is bad if you’re depressed and can hardly find the energy to make an appointment, let alone drive into town.

But there are options. Many, if not all, health regions in Sask­atchewan have psychologists, social workers and other therapists available. For people who don’t want to drive into town, there are 1-800 numbers. In Saskatchewan, Mobile Crisis Services has a farm stress line, along with credit counselling and other services (see mobilecrisis.ca). Farmers or farm spouses who have off-farm jobs might also have employee assistance programs that provide all kinds of services to the employee and family.

At some point, we all run into big problems. We make bad decisions. Things happen to us that are outside of our control. It can be overwhelming.

But there are always ways to keep forging ahead. If you’ve reached a point where you can’t see that, it’s time to ask for help.

Call these numbers

If you or someone you know needs help, there is help on hand at the other end of your phone line. Here are some numbers to call.

Manitoba:
In Manitoba, call the Manitoba Farm and Rural Stress Line at 1-866-367-3276 from Monday to Friday 10 am to 9 pm. After hours, call 1-888-322-3019 or visit www.ruralsupport.ca.

Alberta:
Alberta has a hotline open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Call the Alberta Mental Health Help Line at 1-877-303-2642.

Saskatchewan:
In Saskatchewan, call the Mobile Crisis Helpline at (306) 757-0127, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

The post Lower prices can bring lower moods appeared first on Grainews.

May this work challenge you toward
New frontiers that will emerge
As you begin to approach them,
Calling forth from you the full force
And depth of your undiscovered gifts.

May the work fit the rhythms of your soul,
Enabling you to draw from the invisible
New ideas and a vision that will inspire.

May this new work be worthy
Of the energy of your heart
And the light of your thought.

May your work assume
A proper space in your life
Instead of owning or using you,
May it challenge and refine you,
Bringing you every day further
Into the wonder of your heart.

— By Irish poet, John O’Donohue

This lovely poem was sent to me by a farm woman who found it late at night as she ponders her new roles on the farm. She is about to become an “empty nester.” At the same time her father-in-law is trying to figure out his role on the farm after he turns 80.

In coaching we have a road map called the “cycle of renewal.” I refer to it often in my seminars on planning for change on the farm. Life is not a straight line, it is full of surprises, conflict bumps and turns that we don’t always have a plan for. The cycle of renewal invites folks to think of their life as four phases:

1. Go for it — When all your goals and actions are aligned and your life is full of purpose.
2. Doldrums — When you hit a pothole of despair, discouragement, depression and the sense of feeling trapped.
3. Cocooning — The place to heal and have time for inner reflection to check out what is working for you in your current roles, and what needs to shift a lot.
4. Getting ready — The time of learning, networking, experimenting and testing out new approaches to create a whole new chapter. Think of all the farm brides you know who are getting ready to adapt to a new life on the farm with their newly married husbands. And for those of you who chose to be almost married (common-law) you are getting ready for a new role, too.

Why does this matter?

Many farm folks who I have chatted with this winter have a family member who is not coping well with changing roles on the farm. They are seeing depression symptoms like tears, anger, irrational thinking and sadness that won’t go away. The issue is that people can suffer from what is called depression due to circumstances.

Depression is an illness, not who you are. It is treatable, and manageable, but you have to seek out good medical help, and start talking about your true feelings with your family who cares so much about you.

Change is inevitable, but growth is optional. You can choose to seek out “new work that is worthy of the energy of your heart,” says O’Donohue. I call it a new passion. Your life is not over at age 80 or 53 when the kids leave home. It is just different. You get a new chapter in the book of life to create something that excites you and feeds your soul. Life is too short to be trapped and depressed.

So how do we get ready?

1. Make a vision board of what you would like to see in your new chapter. This might mean words that you print, or sayings and pictures that speak to your cherished beliefs and values. Cut up old magazines and place them in a creative way on some stiff board. (An old field sign works great!)
2. Start paying attention to what brings you joy, and do some internal work about the times when you lose all track of time. This is called “flow.” I am in “flow” when I am writing, coaching a group, and visiting with friends.
3. Figure out what you value. My top seven values are spirituality or knowledge of God, intimacy in being close to another, honesty, challenge to be stimulated, independence (to control self), friendship, and achievement in accomplishing goals. Clarity of what you truly value will show you what needs to be happening in your life in order to feel aligned to your values and purpose. I am wired to be self-employed, as are many farmers. Once the deal-maker farmer can no longer safely drive tractors, what is he going to do to feel useful? Make new deals in a new business? Volunteer?
4. Experiment. You don’t need to sell everything and move. You might want to take baby steps and rent a place in Victoria or Arizona for a few months to test out living in a new community. You might want to rent an apartment in your town, and play more with the grandkids. You might want to go back to school and finish your master’s degree. I know two women over 45 who have done this and they have no regrets.
5. Evaluate. Let yourself make mistakes and learn from the experience. We have neighbours who moved out of province, but are now back. The experiment in moving did not work, and they are happy to be back in a familiar community. It is OK to take a new path.

Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t imagine a new life. Just set some new targets and work toward trying out new things. If you are a great handyman/fixer type, there is a new career for you in town. I hire these talented retired farmers!

Journey beyond the “old limits of what has become wearisome.” You are not dead. You have value, and you can create a new chapter for the new stage of life you are facing. Your spouse is counting on you to claim your own sense of well-being and contentment. They cannot do the work for you.

Tell me your story. Send me more Irish poems.

The post Depression, and dealing with changing roles on the farm appeared first on Grainews.

It was a quiet morning before eight, that I noticed the ad for a book Just One More Day, by Beverlee Buller Keck. This wonderful book is a 40-day journey of meditations for those who struggle with anxiety and depression.

Know anyone in your circle who battles with negative thoughts, worry, and a deep sense of hopelessness? I bet you do.

I lost most of 1984 to psych wards in Winnipeg and later at Eden in Winkler, where I experienced a very gracious, patient staff, and concern for my complete healing journey as I struggled with a severe case of postpartum depression.

Women typically are the chief emotional officers (CEOs) of their families, wanting to nurture, encourage, and balance the family’s emotional bank account harmoniously. Many farm women I coach are concerned that their husbands are depressed, and highly frustrated that their spouses will not get help.

• From the Country Guide website: The hidden farm illness

The ritual of spending time every morning in my quiet chair continues to help me find a place to reflect, read Scripture, pray, and ponder the people’s names who pop into my head, along with the grocery list and other distractions that are duly noted on Post-it notes before going back to the main thing I’m thinking about.

I keep a prayer journal, and am surprised that sometimes 10 days have passed since the last entry. Was I in the chair? Yes, but the phone may have rung, I might have been called to jockey someone to a field, or I may have been on the road. I don’t beat myself up for not making entries. I pay attention to what the entries are telling me about the journey of life. The real learning is reading entries from the previous year, same season. Did I learn to trust more? Am I seeing answers to healing prayers for friends and family? What has my friend’s death taught me to value?

Some of you don’t find solace or comfort in reading the Word of God, yet you are searching for some answers to having a peace of mind. Perhaps your reading pile is different than mine, but our common yearning is to find wisdom in handling the bumps of life. You might use a meditation class and play music to create calm in the home.

The quiet chair routine brings people to mind whom you may need to connect with. Keck’s book has many examples of how we, as women who care, can be bearers of the “covered dish” to bring meals to those folks who are depressed and need practical help and encouragement. Who needs to taste your homemade casserole and relish in the visit that follows?

After this tough season of crop losses, families will feel the ripple effects of financial strain causing “circumstantial” depression. When bad things happen to good people, they sometimes cannot take the chronic stress and strain. Perhaps you’ll book an appointment to get confirmation from a doctor that depression is a real threat to your well-being, or you may take a leap of faith to see a counsellor for some issues that have surfaced. Do you think you need some professional counselling to help you find relief from your anxious thinking?

I’ve been in group therapy, and reflected on tough questions in private counselling.

Some women just need a good cup of tea with a confidante to feel like “they’ve been heard” and their emotional well is renewed and refreshed. After you’ve spent time in your quiet chair, pick up the phone and invite a friend for a chat, either long distance, on Skype, or across your kitchen table.

News came again this week that another woman is dealing with cancer. We talk openly about supporting her, yet sometimes the women who have a family member struggling with the bleak days of depression don’t think they can share “their secret.”

It’s time to stop hiding behind the stigma of depression. Please do not call it a “nervous breakdown.” Call it depression. It may be one of seven types, but it is an illness that needs to be listened to, and journeyed with. Who in your circle of influence needs you to go for long walks? Who needs a letter or email from you in their mailbox?

Give yourself the gift of time in your quiet chair. Have a journal, pen, Bible, devotional book, Post-it notes, and cards handy. Words are powerful when they soothe the soul and bring hope. I kept the stack of 1984 cards for over 20 years, and I can still recall the faces of the faithful women who sent words of life and encouragement.

I suspect that we are going to hear many stories of woe on the Prairies this winter. Will you hunt out opportunities to be intentional about listening to the tales of possible depression around you at the hall, the store, or your kitchen?

I choose to speak life into those who feel that all hope is gone. Depression is a treatable illness with various ways to find healing. Every family knows somebody who is dealing with sadness and anxiety. Please don’t ignore the pleas for help. Offer a non-judgmental ear or a practical help like a home-cooked meal.

Are you ready to draw strength from your time reflecting? Find the women around you who need to know there is hope for them and their partners.

Live intentionally. Embrace the lessons of the quiet chair.

The post Lessons from the quiet chair appeared first on Grainews.