During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director how the asylum determines whether a patient should be institutionalized.
“Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No.” said the director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”
Can you really eat that?
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. Well, he said, “It’s what mommy calls me sometimes.”
The little girl screams to her brother, “Don’t eat it, it’s assh***.”
Jay Leno on finance
Here is a sample of Jay Leno jokes about the financial crisis:
1. The U. S. has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. It’s called the stock market.
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street.
3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
4. I want to warn people from Nigeria. If you get any e-mails from Washington asking for money, it’s a scam. Don’t fall for it.