JOKES – for Jan. 12, 2009

Jokes From A Prairie Home Companion

Here are samples from A Prairie Home Companion’s “joke show” for 2008. You can listen to the whole show online at http://prairiehome.publicradio.org.

How does a woman keep her husband from reading her email? Put it in a file called “instruction manual.”

A blonde stood by a river bank. Another blonde was on the other bank. One said, “How do I get to the other side?” The other replied, “Silly, you’re on the other side.”

What’s a transistor? A priest in nun’s clothes.

I decided to sign up for a senior’s aerobics class. I twisted and gyrated, jumped up and down, stretched and turned, and by the time I finally got my shorts on, the hour was over.

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

Why don’t cannibals eat divorced women? They’re bitter.

Bad British Neighbours

My mother-in-law forwarded these “genuine clips” from letters of complaint that residents sent to English municipal council offices.

1. He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.

2. It’s the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

3. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

5. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

6. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

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