Jokes – for Feb. 9, 2009

Ralph’s pick:

A fellow goes to Nunavut to “go native.” He learns the different types of snow. He learns how to build an igloo, to hunt, to drive dogs, and to salvage wood. He makes a kayak out of caribou hides. One day, while out paddling, he gets cold so he builds a small fire inside the kayak. The kayak catches fire and burns. The fellow learns the hard lesson, “You can’t heat your kayak and have it, too.”

Ode to the Scottish Bard

A Scottish farmer from Macrorie, Sask., is in the home country. He pays a visit to an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness. He greets the first patient and the patient replies:

“Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o’ thepuddin race, Aboon them a you take your place, Painch, tripe or thairm, As langs my airm.”

The farmer is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient and greets him. The patient responds:

“Some hae meat and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit.”

Even more confused, but trying not to show it, the farmer moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

“We sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty, Thou needna start awa sae hastie, Wi bickering brattle.”

Now alarmed, the farmer turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, “What kind of facility is this? Is it a mental ward?”

“No,” replies the doctor. “This is the serious Burns unit.”

Classic Canadian Quotes

You’ll remember some of these. Here are a few quotes from Rick Broadhead’s collection called “The Little Book of Canadian Political Wisdom.”

—”What kind of proof is a proof? A proof is a proof and when you have a good proof it’s because it’s proven.” — Former prime minister Jean Chretien.

—”Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it’s doing in the Maritimes.” — Former Saskatchewan premier Tommy Douglas.

—”Canada is the greatest nation in this country.” — Former Toronto mayor Allan Lamport.

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